


Little Miss Perfect

by raeofsunshin



Series: she was a wizard, she was a cleric, can I make it any more obvious [2]
Category: Not Another D&D Podcast (Podcast)
Genre: F/F, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Religious guilt (minor), Thiala character study (kinda), Thiala has a little mental breakdown, ace!Thiala, its just there bc she went through it? if that makes sense, its not obvious but if if im projecting my religious trauma on her she gets that too, that one trope of oh no the guards are after us what to do? make out clearly, the trauma isn't extreme
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:00:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26437594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raeofsunshin/pseuds/raeofsunshin
Summary: Alanis was leaning over her, braiding daisies into her hair.“To keep it out of your face! You know, in case we get into a fight!”Thiala still didn’t quite understand what the flowers had to do with it, but she was far from complaining. Alanis was focused intently on the braid, occasionally sticking her tongue out slightly to concentrate. Thiala should probably stop staring at her friends mouth.--Did anyone ask for an early/pre legendary heroes era Thiala character study? No. Did I write it anyway? Yes.(Including soft Thalanis because what else am I here for?)
Relationships: Alanis/Thiala (Not Another D&D Podcast)
Series: she was a wizard, she was a cleric, can I make it any more obvious [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1921762
Comments: 1
Kudos: 11





	Little Miss Perfect

**Author's Note:**

> Heyo! Just an FYI that the beginning has mild hyper-religious themes. The legendary heroes meet after the "One night my friend stayed over // We laughed, and drank and ordered // Something about her drew me in // What? It's totally platonic" section!
> 
> I'm essentially treating the Chosen as extremist Pelor worshippers (which isn't too far of a stretch).
> 
> Also, this is a follow up of sorts to my previous fic "A Conversation Between New Friends." Its fully not necessary to read that one, but it is alluded to here and might help it make a bit more sense!
> 
> Tell me if I messed up majorly on grammar or missed a tag!
> 
> Song is “Little Miss Perfect by Taylor Louderman”

_Straight hair, straight A's, straight forward_

_Straight path,_

_I don't cut corners_

_I make a point to be on time_

_Head of the student council_

* * *

“-and Pelor’s light shines down upon us all, the good and the bad, the sinful and the holy-”

Thiala sighed, mindlessly flipping pages in the hymnal on her lap. She’d heard all of this before, time over time. The sunlight poured through the stained glass windows of the church she’d called home for the last six years. The Chosen had kindly taken her in when her mother passed away. She was nearly twelve now, almost old enough to truly pursue being an official temple cleric.

_“It’s not your fault your mother had you out of wedlock.” “You can get rid of that sin, prevent yourself from falling into the fiery pits of the nine hells.” “All you have to do is follow, and you’ll find peace for your soul.”_

So she’d followed, pursued the mantle of a cleric, learned to heal the hurt she’d evidently placed on the world by simply existing. But the peace never came. Just a sinking feeling whenever a spell missed its target, when her hands didn’t heal, when her faith wasn’t enough to pull her through. Thiala was flawed, inherently, made so by the way she was brought into the world.

Nothing she could do could change that.

* * *

_I don't black out at parties_

_I jam to Paul McCartney_

_If you ask me how I'm doing_

_I'll say..._

_Well, hmm_

* * *

“Pelor can redeem your souls, set you free from the shackles of this world. All you have to do is believe.”

 _And study for hours on end._ Thiala did not tell her rapt audience. _And block out the outside world lest it corrupt you. And become a shell of a person, a conduit for power, a megaphone for regurgitated words._ She simply preached, paced on stage, healed children of ailments. Thiala was a prodigy, a miracle. Thiala was redeemed.

But she still heard the whispers. She was eighteen now, a full fledged member of the Chosen, and yet there were still whispers. Whispers of her mothers corrupting influence even as she buttoned her collar even higher, wore the skirts of her robe even longer, braided her hair to hide rounded human ears. It was never enough.

It would never be enough.

* * *

_I was adopted when I was two_

_My parents spoiled me rotten_

_Often I ask myself, "What did I do?"_

_To get as far as I've gotten_

* * *

Thaila was a high ranking member of the Chosen now ( _not a leader though, never a leader, her mother had made sure of that._ ) Something was brewing in the Chosen those days, the halls of the church she’d called home for so long became claustrophobic and hostile. ( _Not that they hadn’t been before._ ) If she was honest, that was why she’d elected to travel. Only a few other preachers and a group of Green Knights to protect them was a much more friendly environment than a stone building of judging eyes and spiteful words.

She hummed the Green Knights Creed under her breath with them as they travelled. Wind rushed around them and she thrived in it. Thrived in how it spun around her like an old friend as her fellow Chosen members grumbled about the cold. Thiala simply smiled in the cloud cover.

Liking the clouds was something she’d never admit to. It was sacreligious, Pelor being the sun god and all. But there was always something beautiful about how the sun was filtered and dispersed through the clouds. 

“It’s like a grand display of power, the sun’s light being seen past the overwhelming cloud cover!” she told the members of the Chosen.

 _It’s like the sun isn’t actually the all powerful being we believe it to be,_ she dared to tell herself in the dark of night, curled up on her bedroll.

* * *

_A pretty girl walks by my locker_

_My heart gives a flutter_

_But I don't dare utter a word_

_'Cause that would be absurd behaviour_

_For little miss perfect_

* * *

“Before you start, I’m not interested in Pelor.” 

Thiala was walking the Galadreon streets with an elven woman. _Alanis, her name is Alanis._ The sun was just beginning to set and she was holding the skirts of her robes off the street.

“Are you sure? He’s-” Thiala began before getting cut off.

“A great and blinding light here to save Bahumia from imminent doom, I know, I’ve heard it before. I’m sure you have too. Why do you believe in him so much anyway?” Alanis turned and began walking backwards through the streets.

“Well, he’s-” Thiala responded as she sped up to prevent the elf from backing directly into a pillar.

“And nothing regurgitated, why do _you_ believe?”

“Well…” Thiala trailed off, drawing a blank as she searched her head for an answer. Alanis simply smiled in response. 

“C’mon, I know a good place to sit.”

* * *

_Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na_

_No, I can't risk falling off my throne_

_La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la_

_Love is something I don't even know_

* * *

Smoke curled into the air above the wizarding school in the early morning when the missionaries left Galderon. Thiala looked up towards it as they left. Alanis sent her a wave and she grinned.

“Whatcha smiling about?” one of the Green Knights turned to ask her. 

“Just the sunrise,” Thiala replied.

* * *

_Straight hair, straight A's, straight forward,_

_Straight girl_

_Little miss perfect_

_That's me_

* * *

“Thiala Solvea, you have been chosen for a divine quest. To rid the world of the Asmodeus’s vile influence once and for all. You may choose two companions, return successful or do not return at all. Make your selection.”

Thiala stood in front of her entire branch of Chosen worshipper and almost laughed. _Her? Defeat Asmodeus? What kind of a-_ Scanning over the faces of her fellow clerics she quickly saw why. They were laughing at her, hiding mocking smirks behind the overlong sleeves of their robes. This wasn’t right. This wasn’t how Pelor, god of the sun and all things good, was meant to be worshiped. The Chosen were not the right way to worship, they couldn’t live up to the standard they set. Thiala looked up into the eyes of the Head Cleric.

“I will, thank you.” She turned on her heel and left the temple for the last time.

* * *

_One night my friend stayed over_

_We laughed, and drank and ordered_

_Something about her drew me in_

_What? It's totally platonic_

* * *

“OH FUCK YEAH! ADVENTURE!”

“Adventure? I’m in!”

Thiala grinned as Alanis high-fived the red haired dwarf beside her. 

“The name’s Ulfgar Trueaxe, I’m a fighter. A damn good one if I don’t say so myself.” The dwarf stuck out a hand to her. 

“And he does say so!” Alanis said as Thiala shook Ulfgars hand.

“You’re Thiala I’m assuming? Alanis won’t shut up about you-” Alanis smacked him on the back of the head.

“Glad you’re back! It was getting boring here without you!” The elf grinned, leaning on Ulfgar’s head.

“Hey, I take offense to that,” he replied, pushing her arms off of his head.

Oh yeah, Thiala’d made the right decision choosing this.

* * *

_That night was so exciting_

_Her smirks were so enticing_

_Hours speed by like seconds_

_Then, what happens is iconic_

* * *

“You really can’t keep travelling in those robes.”

“What? I like them!” Thiala sputtered.

“Nah, you don’t,” Ulfgar piped up, “Besides, you keep tripping over them while trying to fight.”

“You know what that means…..” Alanis said, grinning ear to ear.

“No?”

“SHOPPING TRIP!” Ulfagr groaned heavily.

“I’ll find us a place you stay, you _girls_ have fun.” He was smiling while saying it, no real malice behind his words.

“Oh please, we all know you just want to take an uninterrupted nap,” Alanis jabbed at his side.

“You got me in one my friend, I savor the sweet release of sleep.” Ulfgar mock swooned as Alanis took a portion of the gold they had earned from odd jobs in the last town out of his bag.

“C’mon!” Alanis hooked one arm through Thiala’s and led her into the center of town.

* * *

_She takes a sip, I bite my lip_

_She tells a joke, I nearly choke_

* * *

“Is this good?” Thiala steps out from behind a small standing curtain, wearing the items they had purchased during their day shopping. A loose white shirt embroidered with golden flowers, fitted tan pants, sturdy leather boots, and a thick belt with a scabbard attached for her sword. She’d been picking up sword fighting from Ulfgar recently, and had just been letting him carry it around previously.

Alanis was just staring at her, eyes wide.

“Does it look bad?” She drew her arms across her torso. _Maybe she put the shirt on backwards?_

“No! No no no,” Alanis flailed her hands in front of her, ears tinged red at the tips. “You look- really good.”

“Oh. Um, thank you,” Thiala was blushing as well, not quite sure why. “Thank you.”

* * *

_She braids my hair, I sit there_

_Blacking out for the first time_

* * *

Alanis was leaning over her, braiding daisies into her hair. 

_ “To keep it out of your face! You know, in case we get into a fight!” _

Thiala still didn’t quite understand what the flowers had to do with it, but she was far from complaining. Alanis was focused intently on the braid, occasionally sticking her tongue out slightly to concentrate. Thiala should probably stop staring at her friends mouth.

* * *

_Next thing I know I lose control_

_I finally kiss her but oh no_

_I see a face in my window_

* * *

They’re running through the town, running from the law enforcement for Pelor knows what ( _probably Ulfgars fault, wherever he’d gone off to)._ Alanis pulls them into an alley, a detour, hopefully to shake the guard following them. Thiala leans against the shadowed wall in the back corner of the alley, attempting to catch her breath as Alanis shuffles through the pockets of her coat. (She’d bought the coat while they were shopping the previous day.) Presumably for spell components, she’d never understood how wizardry worked (not for a lack of trying, Alanis had been attempting to explain for weeks now). Footsteps near the entrance of the alley.

“Alanis!” Thiala hisses under her breath. “Find whatever you're looking for faster, someones here.”

“Shit, it's a ritual spell. I didn’t exactly prepare for running from the law!” Whispered as well as she continued to shuffle through her pockets. The footsteps are almost to the alley now. 

“Well think of something! Fast!” Alanis paused, froze for a minute as the footsteps grew ever closer, then looked up with an expression that Thiala recognized from seeing it a thousand times before. The _“fuck it, here goes nothing”_ expression. That’s all she had time to register before Alanis was directly in front of her, arms bracketing either side of her head.

“Do you trust me?” Barely a whisper, only heard because Alanis was mere inches away from her face. Thiala could smell the smoke on her breath and she was so _close_. She nodded,

“Of cour-” _Oh. Thats- Oh._

Alanis kissed her. Thiala was sure her face was doing an excellent impersonation of a tomato, surely at least as red as Alanis’s ears were turning. Speaking of which she probably shouldn’t have her eyes open? Right? Gods, she didn’t know how kissing people worked. The aforementioned footsteps had actually turned into the alley now and- _Fuck it._

Thiala melted, brought her hands up into the curls she’d wanted to touch for so long as her eyes fluttered closed. The footsteps drew close and then turned away, or maybe they didn’t. She wasn’t paying much attention anymore- all of her attention drawn to the hand on her waist and the hand slowly running fingers through the flowers in the braid it’d helped put together that morning. _Pelo- no. He didn’t deserve to be here right now, in shadows that would forever be burned into her mind along with bright red elven ears and daisy strung braids. This was for her. For them._

She could taste smoke, but it was familiar at this point due to the amount of time the elven wizard spent doing so on the road (and how many minutes they’d been here now). Alanis had a hand on her face now, was pressing both of them against the wall she was leaning on. She pulled back, red to the tips of her pointed ears and smiling softly. 

* * *

_Then my brain starts to go_

_Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na_

_No, you can't risk falling off your throne_

_La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la_

_Love is something you don't even know_

_Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na_

_You can't risk falling off your throne_

* * *

“Wow…” Alanis’s eyes were sparkling. It brought Thiala back in a rush to the first time they met, to a rooftop where their younger selves had just begun to question the way they’d been told the world worked. Where Thiala had begun to question. _Question. Oh no, oh no ohnoohno-_ She brought her hands up over her face, felt that it was burning under her palms. _She’d abandoned Pelor he would take away everything he would-_

“Thiala?” Alanis had straightened up now, her voice filled with concern as Thiala slid down the wall to sit on the floor, curling in on herself.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry-” Her face was buried in her knees now. She heard Alanis’s coat rustle as the elf sat down. Thiala was silently shaking now.

“Hey, uh-” Alanis was awkwardly rubbing circles on her back and Thiala shouldn’t appreciate that as much as she did. “Sorry if I overstepped? I was trying to think of something and I just kinda- went with it?”

“I- it's not. It's not you, it's me. It’s me, it's always been me- why can I just be- be better-” her words were broken up by heaving sobs.

“Thiala…” Soft ( _full of love, her brain supplied before she shoved that thought where all of her other ones went_ ), so soft as Alanis wrapped her arms awkwardly around her, pulling Thiala into her side. “You’re perfect the way you are- you know that, right?” Thiala laughed at that, sharp and bitter. _Perfect. As if._

“Won’t be so perfect if my god abandoned me and I- I wasn’t able to heal anymore, right?” Her words twisted like a knife to her own heart, pulling her further down into the darkness she’d escaped for weeks now.

“Thiala… I don’t love you for your healing, you're so much more than that.” Thiala jerked her head up at that, nearly headbutting Alanis under the chin in the process to stare at her with tear swollen eyes.

“You love me?” _YES her heart shouted. NO her mind shouted back._ Alanis turned somehow even redder.

“Uh- forget about that??” Alanis was avoiding eye contact, staring at the alley wall beside her shoulder. _She loves you! her heart sang. She’s pitying you, her mind replied._

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah.” A period of tense silence. “We should probably go find Ulfgar.”

“Yeah, he’s probably in jail by now without us.” Alanis laughed, lifting herself off the ground and holding out a hand to Thiala. “Let's go save him from boredom.”

“Let’s go,” she said, taking the hand and leaving the alley behind them.

Hopefully leaving her aching heart behind as well.

* * *

_La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la_

_Love_

_You don't even know_

_Rewind, induce amnesia_

_Deny the truth, that's easier_

_You're just confused, believe her_

_When she says there's nothing there_

* * *

It was a year later, days before they fought Asmodeus, before either of them brought it up again.

“Hey, Thiala?” Alanis leaned back against the desk Thiala was sitting at to prepare for the battle ahead.

“Hm?” Thiala looked up at her. They’d come so far, stationed in Galadreon, leading an army now.

“Do you- nevermind.”

“Do I what, Alanis?” She closed the book in front of her, set her quill down beside it and turned in her chair to face the wizard. Alanis truthfully, was a grand wizard now, far outpacing all of the previous elven mages that had attempted to teach her only a year previous. There was a stretch of silence before Alanis spoke again.

“Do you remember what I told you to forget?” she nearly whispers. The tips of her ears were red again, she was looking up at the ceiling. Thiala smiles.

“I don’t think I ever forgot.” She hooks a hand around the goggles Alanis keeps hanging around her neck for no reason and pulls her down towards her, grinning. 

* * *

_It's never worth it_

_When you're little miss perfect_

**Author's Note:**

> A little doodle of the heroes near the beginning of this :) https://raeofsunshin.tumblr.com/post/628962810983038977/the-legendary-heroes-kicking-down-the-door-of-my


End file.
